Chapter 2
THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON EVER TO HAVE WALKED UPON THE SURFACE OF THE EARTH
John Quincy Junior Jr. was standing face to face with the most powerful person ever to have walked upon the surface of the earth, and he liked what he saw. He winked. Then he saluted. Then he winked again, cocked his right hand into a pistol and fired while making a clicking sound out of the side of his mouth.
“You’re the man,” he said.
“Who me?” said the most powerful person ever to have walked upon the surface of the earth.
“Yeah, you know you are. And good lookin’ to boot.”
As he turned away from the mirror he knew that this was no lie – he was indeed a good-looking man. And as President of the Most Powerful Nation The World Has Ever Known at the all-time peak of its power, it was also true that he was the most powerful person ever to have walked upon the surface of the earth. Simple fact. And then, when he thought about it, which was often, it occurred to him that he was technically the most powerful creature or entity of any kind ever to have walked upon the surface of the earth.
He supposed that you could make the argument that you’ve got your tigers and your bears and tyrannosaurus rexes and what not, and of course they could whip him man to man, or, he supposed, man to tiger or man to bear or man to t-rex, or let’s just say one on one. Sure. He wasn’t arguing that – one on one with a bear – what, are you kidding? Of course a bear could take him. But that wasn’t the point. That was not the point.
No bear, he didn’t care how big, was ever gonna get anywhere near the President of The Most Powerful Nation The World Has Ever Known. And that, you see, was the point right there. Because the President is not just one man – the entire might of The Most Powerful Nation The World Has Ever Known stands behind the President and there wasn’t a force in the whole history of this planet that could stand up to that. Napoleon? Genghis Kahn? Alexander? What, are you kidding? Are you KIDDING?! President John Quincy Junior Jr. would have loved to see Alexander the Great try to stand up to a righteous rain of SSTM “Shitstorm” missiles, let alone a ninety-nine megaton “Halleluiah” bomb. Just let the sonofabitch go ahead and try it. Just no way, no how. End of story. Good night ladies.
So it was simply and clearly and indisputably a fact that he, John Quincy Junior Jr., here on the morning of his inauguration for a third term as President of The Most Powerful Nation The World Has Ever Known, was the most powerful person ever to have walked upon the surface of the earth.
Some years back, early in his first term, he had wondered whether he ought to be humbled by that fact. He had even said it publicly a few times – somebody kept putting it into his speeches. “I am truly humbled by the awesome responsibilities of this office.” “I am humbled by the trust that the people have placed in me.” The words had a ring to them and he had spoken them more or less clearly and with apparent conviction on numerous occasions. But after a while he realized that there was one problem with this sentiment: it didn’t make any sense.
If he was so damned humble, what business did he have ruling The Most Powerful Nation The World Has Ever Known, let alone leading the Free World in a Global Crusade Against Evil? He was a war president. A War President.
Sure, he had nothing against humility. He would have liked nothing more than to be humble. But he couldn’t afford to be humble. He wasn’t a damned monk for Pete’s sake – monks could afford to be humble. Monks had the luxury of being humble, because nobody was depending on them to vanquish Evil and make the world safe for Democracy. But humility was a diluting agent. Even a little humility would cause doubts and second guessing, would weaken his resolve. It would interfere with decisiveness and steadfastness and a bunch of other things he had to be. And wasn’t that just what the Evildoers wanted? Wasn’t that just exactly what they wanted? Huh? Wasn’t it?
That was a rhetorical question – of course it was just what the Evildoers wanted. But President John Quincy Junior Jr. wasn’t falling into that trap, no way. He was the Leader Of The Free World. A War President. He had no right to be humble.
Next chapter:
COMMAND AND CONTROL, in which Vice President Rod Meaney enjoys a cup of instant decaffeinated coffee.
John Quincy Junior Jr. was standing face to face with the most powerful person ever to have walked upon the surface of the earth, and he liked what he saw. He winked. Then he saluted. Then he winked again, cocked his right hand into a pistol and fired while making a clicking sound out of the side of his mouth.
“You’re the man,” he said.
“Who me?” said the most powerful person ever to have walked upon the surface of the earth.
“Yeah, you know you are. And good lookin’ to boot.”
As he turned away from the mirror he knew that this was no lie – he was indeed a good-looking man. And as President of the Most Powerful Nation The World Has Ever Known at the all-time peak of its power, it was also true that he was the most powerful person ever to have walked upon the surface of the earth. Simple fact. And then, when he thought about it, which was often, it occurred to him that he was technically the most powerful creature or entity of any kind ever to have walked upon the surface of the earth.
He supposed that you could make the argument that you’ve got your tigers and your bears and tyrannosaurus rexes and what not, and of course they could whip him man to man, or, he supposed, man to tiger or man to bear or man to t-rex, or let’s just say one on one. Sure. He wasn’t arguing that – one on one with a bear – what, are you kidding? Of course a bear could take him. But that wasn’t the point. That was not the point.
No bear, he didn’t care how big, was ever gonna get anywhere near the President of The Most Powerful Nation The World Has Ever Known. And that, you see, was the point right there. Because the President is not just one man – the entire might of The Most Powerful Nation The World Has Ever Known stands behind the President and there wasn’t a force in the whole history of this planet that could stand up to that. Napoleon? Genghis Kahn? Alexander? What, are you kidding? Are you KIDDING?! President John Quincy Junior Jr. would have loved to see Alexander the Great try to stand up to a righteous rain of SSTM “Shitstorm” missiles, let alone a ninety-nine megaton “Halleluiah” bomb. Just let the sonofabitch go ahead and try it. Just no way, no how. End of story. Good night ladies.
So it was simply and clearly and indisputably a fact that he, John Quincy Junior Jr., here on the morning of his inauguration for a third term as President of The Most Powerful Nation The World Has Ever Known, was the most powerful person ever to have walked upon the surface of the earth.
Some years back, early in his first term, he had wondered whether he ought to be humbled by that fact. He had even said it publicly a few times – somebody kept putting it into his speeches. “I am truly humbled by the awesome responsibilities of this office.” “I am humbled by the trust that the people have placed in me.” The words had a ring to them and he had spoken them more or less clearly and with apparent conviction on numerous occasions. But after a while he realized that there was one problem with this sentiment: it didn’t make any sense.
If he was so damned humble, what business did he have ruling The Most Powerful Nation The World Has Ever Known, let alone leading the Free World in a Global Crusade Against Evil? He was a war president. A War President.
Sure, he had nothing against humility. He would have liked nothing more than to be humble. But he couldn’t afford to be humble. He wasn’t a damned monk for Pete’s sake – monks could afford to be humble. Monks had the luxury of being humble, because nobody was depending on them to vanquish Evil and make the world safe for Democracy. But humility was a diluting agent. Even a little humility would cause doubts and second guessing, would weaken his resolve. It would interfere with decisiveness and steadfastness and a bunch of other things he had to be. And wasn’t that just what the Evildoers wanted? Wasn’t that just exactly what they wanted? Huh? Wasn’t it?
That was a rhetorical question – of course it was just what the Evildoers wanted. But President John Quincy Junior Jr. wasn’t falling into that trap, no way. He was the Leader Of The Free World. A War President. He had no right to be humble.
Next chapter:
COMMAND AND CONTROL, in which Vice President Rod Meaney enjoys a cup of instant decaffeinated coffee.
© by N. Ominous 22.12.04
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